It was half term, we weren’t going away because our children need to revise for exams on their return to school, so we plan a big day to North Wales. The plan was to set the alarm for 6 am and head to the Aran mountains. We planned a route which was not long and one in which we could test our micro navigation. I hit Friday, the last day of term, feeling really positive. My pain had started to decrease and I was full of energy. Unfortunately something happened on Sunday which caused a steep increase in my pain. We were very concerned about this and contemplated postponing our trip until my pain decreased.
Whilst on my mountain leader course I had a long conversation with the trainer about why I’m training and what I want to do with my award. Our conversation discussed in-depth the restorative and therapeutic nature the outdoors has on people. As part of the volunteering I do and the nature of my job I come into contact with really vulnerable children; children who often have suffered trauma or have a struggle with anxiety and mental health difficulties. My long term vision with getting this qualification is that I would be able to take some of these children / young adults out into the mountains to experience this therapeutic, restorative nature of the outdoors. The trainer talked to me about some of the work he does with disadvantaged children and how when he takes them out into the mountains they become different people and it helps build self esteem and confidence this fed my inner desire to help young people through tough times in the mountains.
I have always found being outdoors a very restorative process. I use it as a time of prayer and it is where I do most of my mental healing and soul searching. It’s where I feel I am most at peace, but also where I have inner battles. It is certainly where I feel most able to just be ME. One of the big challenges I have with my new reality of chronic pain is whether a walk in the mountains causes pain and whether that increase in pain can be counterbalanced with the benefits to my mental health. This was one of those decisions. I hadn’t got out in the mountains very much recently and I was needing to get out and unload. So on Tuesday morning we went out in spite of the pain.
We set off to climb Glasgwn (774). This started as a grooling ascent from 126m to its peak. This was made easier by scrabbling across rocks. All the time observing beautiful waterfalls. 
Despite seeing another couple in the car park we were alone in the mountains enabling us to hear and see several willow warblers and see the lovely flashes of yellow as a grey wagtail joined us in our ascent. As we came off the track further up to do our last final push up and over the rocks we started to observe wheatears perched proudly on the rocky crags, allowing us to share their space. I had already hit my pain wall and when I stopped on the summit my pain went through the roof. My spine was under so much pressure it felt almost about to implode my whole entire body was vibrating. Putting just one leg in front of the other was going to take a lot of inner resilience. At this point I was feeling really low and exhausted, but I spent a while resting in the beautiful views across the Arans, I was totally moved to tears.
This is why I do it! We had yet to meet anyone and I was in a place only few people will ever get to see. I felt privileged to be there. I really felt that this view had been gifted to me. Our descent down was across loose stones which of course caused me to fall, a common occurrence on our walks, but I got up dusted myself off and started my climb to Aran Fawddwy. I have to say that this ascent nearly beat me. I really had to dig deep. We had only 345m to climb, not a lot in grand scheme of things. The views were amazing, but my pain was making itself heard and half way up I sat down in protest and instructed Laurie to make the ascent without me, collecting me on the way down. He refused and sat down with me to rest. He encouraged me and joined me in resting and joined me in the final push.
I cannot even put into words how tremendous the views were from the top. Long and slow for Laurie, but he is really embracing this new reality and enjoying the slower pace and what he can observe in the process, getting to know these mountains in a very different, intimate way. I’m so thankful that he helped me through my pain wall and encouraged me up. The walk down was also slow and restful and offered views which were truly breathtaking. Looking back across the ridge we had walked.
The sun was beating down and you could feel the heat increase as we walked down into the valley and back to the car.
5 days later, pain is still intense. I couldn’t do any yoga for 3 days and we couldn’t get out again until day 4. Was it worth it….ABSOLUTELY YES!!!!! The views they were so so truly beautiful, breathtaking, restorative and healing. I am not going to allow my new reality to beat me. I did a lot of searching during that walk. I got to know myself a little bit better I had to dig a little bit deeper. It showed me the support I have in Laurie and I walked off the hills a little bit stronger.
Walking to health; the challenge 